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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me being her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with someone. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we make together can get us: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a clip now and then would be fun for Beth. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I get that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She needs to honor her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their friendship?